What happened to my motivation?

I am soooooo completely ashamed to even be writing this post, but i need to get this out there so others who are on a journey think twice before slipping up! So, in the past 6 months, i have not kept ANY of my promises to myself! I have spun completely out of control! I have gone from 286Lbs, to 233Lbs, then started to  put the weight back on pound by pound! Today i weighed myself for the first time in over a month and LITERALLY almost cried, i am choking up just thinking about it! I am now again 265Lbs:(  That's just 21Lbs away from where i started in the first place!! Something needs to be done NOW!! If not im going to be RIGHT back to where i was when i started and then before i know it i will be over 300Lbs and unhappier than i ever was! From now on, there NEEDS to be some changes! The number one thing will HAVE to be no more TAKE OUT! I have eaten out more in the last two months than i have in the last year!! I am also quitting smoking, i know that may counter act my weight loss, but i want to be the healthiest me possible, i have a hard time walking up stairs, and i plan on joining gym again, will be hard to work out if i cant keep my breath! I NEED motivation because i have failed so many times in the past, so anything you con offer me in regards to support (stories of success, words of wisdom, encouraging words)would be much appreciated! Calling tomorrow to book an appointment to see Dr. Poon again, from now until then it will be a healthier diet to prepare me to get back on my journey that made me happier than i have been in a long time!! I need to get back there! So wish me luck and hopefully the next time i write i will have nothing bit wonderful news<3

Wow its been over 3 months!

Soooo, do you wanna guess why its been soooo long since my last blog? Because i have been FAILING miserably! So much for that weight watchers diet, NOT for me! i was eating all of my points in fast food just so i could eat it again!  with Dr Poon i had gone from 286Lbs to 233Lbs in just four months! and in the 3 months that i have given up on Dr Poon i have now gone from 233 to 249! So very ashamed of myself, i promised myself that last summer was going to be the LAST summer that i would NOT be able to wear shorts, or a bathing suit, the LAST summer i would be wearing plus sized clothes! Throughout the Autumn months i completely ignored that promise! i was at a point where i was really liking what i saw in the mirror, now i am at the point again where i dont! i am so ASHAMED of myself, i was doing soooo well, i don't know why i stopped, well i do know why, i gave up on myself! I praised myself along with everyone else on how well i have done and decided to reward myself with all the foods i was deprived of for 4 months! But then i didn't stop and my "reward" turned out to be a punishment on my body! my new years resolution is to lose the 16Lbs i gained back and to lose another 40-45Lbs and finally be under 200! i have come to realize after 10 years of being overweight, that the Dr. Poon Diet is the ONLY thing to have ever worked for me in regards to weight loss! So i decided in order to accomplish my new years resolution, i am going  back to the Dr Poon diet Phase 1! i attempted it yesterday and was doing alright for  most of the day, but caved in the evening and had campbells chunky beef stew and a bowl of honey nut cheerios for desert! So again today i am attempting it, just need to make sure i cook my meals BEFORE i get so starved that i dont have the energy to stand there and cook and resort to processed sodium packed crap which is NOT permitted on this diet!
i go back to school on Monday and they ALWAYS have all kinds of food there for us, and when they dont my friends and i all go to get take out, KFC, Tim Horton's, Wendy's..its horrible! So i am really going to have to PLAN PLAN PLAN, so i'll always have allowed food on hand and wont cave in and eat stuff i am not suppose to! Also, this time i am doing Dr, Poon on my own ( without going to weigh ins)  Which also means i don't have all the stuff from the clinic's store! I have a few things left and am going to try and use what i have to make this work! My BF was telling me yesterday, why don't you just wait until a later date, until you can get more of the stuff you need..but i refused, i have the motivation NOW i have already started i am NOT going to stop now because who knows how much weight i will gain THIS time!
Anyways that is my update, hopefully my next update i will have some weightloss to brag about!
I apologize to all who believed in me, i will make you proud again i promise!

Thank you for taking the time to read my Blog

Xoxo
Stephanie<3